When the other yo* takes over things become unpredictable. She cries, smiles, and gets angry all at the same time. The faces of post traumatic disorder can be confused with those of depression. This is potentially why the depressed, the suicidal, the traumatized tend to speak similar languages. They try to encourage each other by getting angry at each other. Ever seen a suicidal person encourage another to live? I think this is because they are looking in the mirror. The image in the mirror is not as pretty, but if you put another face on your image then it can be easier to backlash.
This is why I am not afraid to share the rants that consume my soul. Because if this energy is not let out, something else may emerge. But yesterday…I was great yesterday.
Opposé à formidable
Getting back is not the cure. It is not the cure because I always come back. There are times when I wonder if I will ever make it. Those days when my faith is predictably strong. Those are the same days when I question if my faith is as strong as it should be. My steps in the Christian life have been methodical; I have detected how to prove and disprove things. Perhaps not the most intelligent way, but the way that has kept me sane and present.
I blame the machine. The machine? This dangerous machine that has been given to all of us: the brain.
How do you control it? It is constantly running, pumping, spitting out information, shitting out dreams. I know…that last one sounded pretty gross. I just couldn’t find another way to describe it that would hit the target where you’d understand. Sometimes the painting of graphic pictures is what it takes to get attention.
Attention…the thing that introverts hate yet have to get used to. It doesn’t matter at all…we are all still eagles
*yo: Spanish for “me”