I’m pretty certain that we’ve had those times when we simply didn’t know how to fix a problem, conflict, a screw up. The human struggle. Yet, it is a bigger struggle to those that we know as “fixers.” These are the folks that we look up to; they always seem to have an answer to the problem. It doesn’t matter if their solution is right or wrong…they have an answer. The problem with a fixer is that sometimes they may end up playing the role of the savior, the Jesus. In all honesty, we were meant to care, but we were not meant to take on all the pains of the world. This sounds drastic, but if you know a fixer…if you are a fixer…then you will know exactly what I am speaking of.
It is as if somehow you were assigned the task to make things alright. You just want everybody to get along, to be civil, to be happy. But what happens when those that you seem to be helping start clashing with each other? Your world is turned upside down, you don’t know how to start fixing stuff because it’s just NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY!!!!!!
Have the courage to just be. Breathe, and be. This may become truly stressful for you. Fixers are supposed to be fully employed at all times. You are not supposed to rest, what? Rest? Nah. NO.
Then again: YES. You are not here to fix all issues. You are not a savior, you can’t fix everything, and I have a little secret. Come closer….you will never fix the majority of things. Sssshhh. Just be. Have the courage to be.
Be still, buddy. You’ll get through this. For what its worth, I am a Christian and find comfort in many things (not a lot of them, but some). Biblical verses help me get through a lot of things. I’m not sure what help others, but this works for me. I find it comforting to read about stillness. I have so much noise in my mind, heaviness in my heart. It gets loud inside. It is comforting when a Biblical verse is encouraging. Yet surprisingly, I find strength not in the precise words but in their ability to Sssshhhh my internal loudness.
Exodus 14:4 “The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”
Ever feel like you are having a fantastic day, yet you sense that something is about to happen. It is not a bad feeling, not a good feeling either…just a feeling. A “thing.” It gets to the point that you become afraid of enjoying the good moment. Not so much in a paranoid way, but in a watchful way. It’s like expecting an email that isn’t coming, then suddenly realizing that maybe the message ended up in your bulk mail.
I have news for you: this doesn’t make you paranoid. I bring this up because it is the one answer that you are most likely to get if you share this experience with someone else. This is especially true of you are a Christian (not sure about other religions). Usually, these struggles will come out during a Bible study. Once the “prayer requests” portion of the study begin, people start to open up with their current struggles. The Christian in me directs me to listen to the whole prayer request—so that I can pray. The PhD researcher in me directs me to listen to how the person ends the prayer request. If the individual is going through one of those situations that seem unending, the individual will close out their prayer request with: “trying to see God’s will.” It is as if the concept of “worry” was sinful in itself. Nevertheless, this thought process does not recognize the Christian principle that explains how emotions were given to us by God Himself. Yes, self-control is a very important factor in regulating oneself. Let’s not all be messy and go out there parading every single one of our emotions! (Little nerdy giggles and snickers).
The bottom line is that worry does not make you sinful, evil, negative, or wrong. It makes you authentic and real. There is nothing that can make your body feel more alive than a true struggle. Am I right? The peaceful times that you’ve had in your life are truly unrecognizable, unless they were experienced after a great challenge or struggle. However, if you look at the times that you had a large struggle….you remember exactly what it was. You may even remember all of the emotions that you experienced in the process of remembering that particular experience. This is because we were meant to experience these types of emotions.
On the flip side of this, there are struggles that should take place to perfect us. I would like to give you the ‘churchy’ part about this message: take your troubles to God. I know that it sounds trivial, and I know for a fact that I am not in your shoes. But, what do you have to lose. The world is owned by the ones that try, not by the ones that succeeded.
Your best day can be your shittiest. But your shittiest day, can bring eternal living. I know that I use some language here: I’m giving you the real me. I’m not cleaning this up; I’m not filtering this information. I think that we would all be better if we dared to be authentic.
Perspective. Perspective. Perspective.
“I’m sorry.” One of the most overused phrases you can encounter. What to they mean? I am not sure, because they seem to always be said as a filler. There are no emotions behind the phrase, it is hard to tell what is meant versus what is just used to be said. Ultimately, the point of using the phrase is to achieve something. That something is usually forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a human need. This is my personal opinion. It is as needed as air, food, water, and other things. To me, knowing how to forgive and ask for forgiveness are two things that keep people alive. The baggage that comes from lack of forgiveness in any life is synonym of sickness and mess. I speak from personal experience. I have been offended before, yet I have offended back. There have been times when I have offended just to be “nasty.” In all of those times when I did offend, I noticed that I could not start thinking about it.
When you offend someone, they run around your mind endlessly. Your mind tries to justify why you were right, where they were wrong, and there are times when you’ll even go as far as thinking of additional ways in which you could’ve offended further. The problem is that: this is not about being right. Who cares if you were right or wrong? Let’s simplify this: if you were so right, then why are you still thinking about it?
I think that you continue to think about it because you wish things would have turned out different. It’s like the child that begs for a toy over and over. The parent does not respond, so the child throws a temper tantrum. Finally, the parent gives in annoyingly. The kid gets the toy, but nobody’s celebrating the toy. I bet you that toy tastes like shit.
My point here is not to make you feel like a fart, and I am certainly not stating that you should allow others to run you over. The purpose of this essay is to encourage you to study yourself a bit closer. Are you sorry for something? Or are you seeking out true forgiveness. Ultimately, you are looking to have peace in your heart that, eventually, things will work out.
Is it possible to feel so far that I have gone away? It’s this strange feeling of feeling detached from the things that I thought I knew. Did I truly know these things? Are my mood swings betraying me to where I sense that I no longer know what I actually knew? The mind is such a complicated place. No: it is a box full of tricks. How can I explain this to you?
Ever feel like you knew things, yet had all of these unanswered questions about them? Then again, you never asked the questions because they were either irrelevant or you simply didn’t care at all. I’d like to call this perception. Perceptions are an aspect of the personality that people feel they can trust; yet, what if I told you to be really careful? Here’s the reason: perceptions are influenced by your feelings and moods. I still sense that it doesn’t matter how far I go in becoming increasingly real and authentic: there will always be that little person in the back of my mind reminding me that I am not in charge.
Can I be so far, far away that I am complete gone?